2013년 8월 31일 토요일

The most memorable photo...

There is a person who took care of me since I was born. He often times fed meals to me and changed my clothes when I got dirty. He loved me so much that the first thing that he asks to mother when he came back to school was, “where is Jeewoong?” He was always right beside me, looking at my face, touching my hand and feet. He is my brother, Eun Seuk, who took care of me for seventeen years.
I have a dream that one day I will become like my older brother. I always thought of the ways to be like my brother because he was the role model of my life. My brother always took care of me, and did all the things that my parents had to do. My mother use to say that, “You cannot find an older brother who is better Eun Seuk.” Whenever I heard my mom told me this, I just laughed and didn’t have much thought about what my mom said. I knew my brother was always nice to me, but I thought it was just a usual thing that all other older brothers do. However, when I was an elementary school student, I watched my brother working hard in his room studying to prepare for high school entrance. He was not only good at taking care of me but also great at his school works. At that moment, I finally realized that my brother someone to admire as a role model of my life.
My brother entered the University of Notredame and the picture below is the last photo that I have taken with my brother before he left South Korea. It is a meaningful picture to me because it was the latest picture that I took with my brother, and it’s the picture of my brother who I admire the most. In summer vacation, he stayed at home helping me prepare for the next semester and advising me how I should think of the situation that I am facing right now. Although he was busy preparing to return to school, he kept his attention on me, who he loves the most.
I won’t be able to take another picture with my brother until May, 2014, but I will still have a picture of my brother in my heart. I often chat with my brother and he still asks me how I am doing in my school. I always thank my brother and remind to myself that I should become a person like my brother. When I grow up, the first thing that I want to do is to take a trip with him and talk about all the things that I have thanked him for. We might smile looking at each other’s face while talking all the past events that was memorable to me and my brother.

I miss my brother, and it is just sad that I can’t go to United States right now. As always, I want to grow up like my brother and do the same thing to him when I grow older. In my life, he is the MIP(Most Important Person) in my life.

댓글 1개:

  1. Nice essay, and more smoothly written than usual. However, you have a bit of a problem with sentence concision with a habit of re-stating the subject of the sentence repeatedly. Try to write more dynamically without reminding your reader, and attempt to make two short sentences into one longer more concise one that kills two birds with one stone.

    I used Word to count the word "brother" used 21 times in this essay. If you read it out loud, you will hear where it sounds awkward. Other than that issue, good job. This has potential as a college essay, but would probably be improved with a specific anecdote rather than a description. If you had illustrated the significance of the photo a bit more it might have added some depth.

    Generally, well done.

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