Dear Crutches,

121144 11v3 Jee Woong Choi

Dear Crutches,

     Although it is the first time to meet you, I have already seen your little brother. When I sprained my ankle badly by stepping on my friend’s foot, I thought I would be depending on many others’ help; however, you were there for me like a student doing a volunteer work. Similarly, I hurt my knees when I was a six grader, and I lean on your brother who was slight cuter than you. Frankly speaking, after a brief look at you for a few seconds when you were walking beside the doctor, I was depressed by the fact that I will be carrying those looking stupid metal sticks again. I sincerely apologize for my first impression on you and I never have thought that you will be so helpful to my school life.

     At 7 AM, the time when my alarm clock and phone alarm simultaneously ring, I simultaneously find you first, who has been shining all night to wait for me to wake up. I feel comfortable when I lean on the shining metal stick that leads my way to the school kitchen. I can never move freely without you, and I am just thankful that you handle the weight of mine. Thanks to the fat that I have gained over 6 years, many couldn’t bear the gravitational force that I gave to them. Even though you were born in China, you are pretty strong and distinguishing among other Chinese friends that you probably have.

Today, I am sorry to you again because I made you feel uncomfortable when I allowed my friends to use you in order to have fun. You might have lost your break time due to my friends and feel tired when I depend on you. I would like you to understand the characteristics of my friends and the atmosphere that I live in. I will promise I will try to keep my friends away from you and try to be always beside you so that we can have our private times. Plus, it can be a good news or a bad news, but your little brother is helping my mom for the same reason as mine. I told my mom to treat your little brother carefully because he is not matured enough. So don’t worry about your little brother and I will keep in touch with your brother so that nothing bad happens

    

It has been almost a week to be a close friend with you. We still have more than 3 weeks to move together, study together, and even eat together. Our separation after 3 weeks will be too sad, and I will never forget your sufferings and responsibility as crutches. I might be leaning on you again when I get injured once more. Please be there for me when I need your help. I hope you don’t feel exhausted but rather enjoy the time with me. Thanks for your effort and your family members as a whole.

Have a good night sleep,

Your new best friend Jee Woong

Inside own world, Ben

Inside own world, Ben X

Ben X, a movie directed by Nic Balthazar, was the most peculiar movie that I have ever seen. The movie is mainly about a computer gamer who has lack in social managements(Asperger Syndrome); specifically, the daily lives that he goes through. The film handles with an issue related to bullying by friends and the empathy towards the character who is bullied. In big picture, social issues related to teens such as bullying, committing suicide, and living a life inside the game world are the focuses that the director has. Significantly, the movie has its own way of presenting the life of Ben(Grig Timmermans), which is a unique structure of “film in a film.”

In the movie, Ben depicts his own world and the explanation is done by the technique, “film in a film,” where Ben’s mother(Marjike Pinoy) and his teachers appears an discuss the symptoms with solutions to Ben’s problems. Great part is that, the way that the director structured the movie, allows people feel the realness and the direct sympathy towards Ben. Not only the documentary like structure leads viewers to feel as if the case of Ben is real but also the game like structure allows viewers to imagine the world inside the protagonist, Ben.

Due to Ben’s unusual characteristics, his school life follows with bullying and teasing from other students. The tolerance that he has to overcome is also the main part of this film, and the way the Ben tries to overcome the difficulty is helped by an imaginary girl, Scarlite(Laura Verlinden). Ben thinks of imaginary girl whenever he experiences hardship; for example, bullied by school friends and attacks from two bullying teenagers. Depiction of bullying is emphasized by the self-demolition of Ben, and the aid from the imaginary girl. It is also the game like structure that arouses people animation in watching the film.

Brilliance in animation and the documentary like structure are the main strength in this film: the great technique puts viewers actually into the life of Ben, and the different perspectives of film leads the viewers with full of animations. Ben, who fights to be ordinary, is focused on diverse ways and effects such as sudden zoom in and auditory usage also take parts in the overall make up of animated film of Ben X.

Through Ben’s life, the movie director is trying to send the message to the viewers that individuals with different characteristics exist and people have to appreciate their own way of thinking and acting. Plus, documentary like structure is a way that Nic Balthazar have chosen to make viewers to feel sympathy toward the main character, and this is a great choice taken by Nic Balthazar. Ben, who fights to become ordinary, is well formed by Nic Balthazar.

Biology Homework

Biology Homework

“….hmm…m…my name is Wang Jing, and I am actually Chinese…. How about you”

“I’m from Japan…I look like Japanese don’t I?”

“A little maybe…But I am sure that you are pretty….”

“Really? Thanks a lot. I think you are a very kind person”

Burp….and another Burp from Wang Jing came out….

“Wang…that’s really rude…burping in front of a lady is not a right habit to have!”

“Oh…sorry… this is just m….”

“No thank you! Bye! I don’t want to have a boyfriend that burps in front of me!”

It was my burp again that blocked all the relationship with other girls. I hate about myself and I just wanted to get rid of this burp that impedes my life’s way. Some guys in my college make fun of my habit and call me “dirty Asian.” This burp was never helpful in my life except after the meal because burp facilitates my digestion. I went back to my house riding a train to Virginia. I came all the way to meet a girl that I could only see for less than five minutes thanks to my burp.

My mom was standing beside the tree in front of my house, waiting for good news from 

my mouth. After seeing my face, she suddenly got depressed.

“It was the burp again that I hat about myself! Mom, why did you have a baby like me!”

“Because you are my only son honey…” mom said.

“I don’t need anything. I just hate myself and I hate you too!”

“Wang…please…”

Relationship between Wang and his mom, Xiong, was really good except after the meeting that Wang had. Wang was the only son that Xiong had and her husband passed away due to the accident that he had in the construction site. The world was falling down when Xiong heard his son saying “I hate you.” However, whenever she heard something bad from his son, she considered it as all her fault because she thought Wang was unfortunate to be born in a poor family.

A day ended with the sound of Xiong crying on her bed.

“Mom! Do you know where my biology note is? If I don’t bring it, I will get points deducted!”

“How can I know Wang. Find thoroughly.”

“Oh! I found it mom.”

“OK son, have a good day!”

Since Wang’s house was far away from his school and no car to ride, Wang had to leave his house earlier than other students. When he arrives at the school, he usually went over the information that he learned yesterday and prepare for the question that he wanted to ask to his teacher. His major was biology and he wanted to look good at his biology professor, Mr.Garry.

“Mr. Garry!”

“Yes, Wang”

“Can you please explain the concept cell membrane?”

“If you think easily Wang, it is like your skin that protects your body, and this protection is done by cell membrane. Plus, cell membrane allows crucial substances to flow through the cell.”

“Oh…I see.. thank you Mr. Garry!”

The class always started with the question that Wang asked to his teachers. In his class, there was a named Cherry, who was also majoring in biology. The reason why Wang was majoring biology was partly because of the girl he liked. But, he couldn’t have a conversation with her because he was afraid to burp in front of her. He thought that girls never burp even they drink soda or coke and they have different body structure that doesn’t allow females to burp. And he has never seen his mother burp in front of him. Talking to Cherry freely without any worry was Wang’s only wish other than having a perfect GPA in his school.

One day, he determined to have a little talk with her with an excuse of asking homework. He was quiet but formed bravery through his mid.

“Ch…Cherry…?”

“Yes? How are you Wang?

“I’m fine…Actually…I just want to ask a little question.”

“What is it Wang? Feel free to ask!”

In Wang’s mind, “Wow…this girl is not only pretty but also kind and generous. I think I love this girl.”

“What was the biology homework that Mr. Garry told us to do?”

“Oh…it’s quite a lot…I will tax message you the question numbers that we have to solve what’s your number?”

“O…oh…it’s 604…5201”

“I saved it in my phone. Wait for my message!”

“Wow, thanks a lot Cherry. Have a great day!”

Wang was just too happy to tax message a girl he liked the most, and he didn’t burp while taking to her. It was just a wonderful day for him that cannot come again in his life. When he came back to his house, he only waited for his cell phone to ring.

Ding Ding Dong… his cell phone rang, and Wang shouted.

“Yes! Thanks God…”

He tax messaged her back with a great thanks and telling her that if she needs help in studying biology, he can help her.

Ding Ding Dong… his cellphone rang again, and she said if it is okay to have a time to ask some hard concepts tomorrow. Obviousl, Wang said yes. He prepared everything that he knew in order to answer all the questions that Cherry will ask.

Tomorrow came and he was excited to meet Cherry. Wang thought about asking a date with her when the situation goes well. The class ended and Cherry wanted a tutor for about an hour. She asked almost everything and Wang could answer all the questions as he expected. One hour went like a thunder, and it was time for them to leave.

“Thanks a lot Wang! It was really helpful. You are a great guy”

“You are welcome Cherry. Can I ask you something?”

“Yes…What is it?”

“Will you hang out with me? Please…”

“I am sorry Wang…I already have a boyfriend in other school”

“Oh…I am sorry… good bye Cherry…”

It was obvious for a pretty and benevolent girl to have a boyfriend, but it was too shocking for Wang to admit. He stood still even after dismissing Cherry and a burp came out…

The most memorable photo...

There is a person who took care of me since I was born. He often times fed meals to me and changed my clothes when I got dirty. He loved me so much that the first thing that he asks to mother when he came back to school was, “where is Jeewoong?” He was always right beside me, looking at my face, touching my hand and feet. He is my brother, Eun Seuk, who took care of me for seventeen years.

I have a dream that one day I will become like my older brother. I always thought of the ways to be like my brother because he was the role model of my life. My brother always took care of me, and did all the things that my parents had to do. My mother use to say that, “You cannot find an older brother who is better Eun Seuk.” Whenever I heard my mom told me this, I just laughed and didn’t have much thought about what my mom said. I knew my brother was always nice to me, but I thought it was just a usual thing that all other older brothers do. However, when I was an elementary school student, I watched my brother working hard in his room studying to prepare for high school entrance. He was not only good at taking care of me but also great at his school works. At that moment, I finally realized that my brother someone to admire as a role model of my life.

My brother entered the University of Notredame and the picture below is the last photo that I have taken with my brother before he left South Korea. It is a meaningful picture to me because it was the latest picture that I took with my brother, and it’s the picture of my brother who I admire the most. In summer vacation, he stayed at home helping me prepare for the next semester and advising me how I should think of the situation that I am facing right now. Although he was busy preparing to return to school, he kept his attention on me, who he loves the most.

I won’t be able to take another picture with my brother until May, 2014, but I will still have a picture of my brother in my heart. I often chat with my brother and he still asks me how I am doing in my school. I always thank my brother and remind to myself that I should become a person like my brother. When I grow up, the first thing that I want to do is to take a trip with him and talk about all the things that I have thanked him for. We might smile looking at each other’s face while talking all the past events that was memorable to me and my brother.

I miss my brother, and it is just sad that I can’t go to United States right now. As always, I want to grow up like my brother and do the same thing to him when I grow older. In my life, he is the MIP(Most Important Person) in my life.

Giving up

    
     One hundred bodies are found every year in the “suicide forest” in Japan. People who are not sure to suicide, brings rope with them, so that they can go back when they change their minds. However, there are still many people who commit suicide in the forest. Messages saying importance of one’s life and lovely families don’t work to stop people from committing suicides. People do not exactly know why people commit suicide in this forest, however, it is known that people who failed their job and no one to get help from, come often to the forest can think about giving up their life for a moment.

     Although I believe a life after death, one’s life is the most important thing compared to ant other things. Frankly speaking, I have thought about committing a suicide for two times. Both were after entering high school. I had weak mental strength whenever I thought about leaving my friends and families. However, what blocked me from actually giving up my life were my families, I always try to think who my family members will act when I leave them forever. Parents are the same, they all love their child and try to do their best as possible to their love ones. If I suddenly die, my parents will live a hard life without their son.

     What was good about thinking to commit suicide was that, I could reinforce the purpose to live with my friends and families. It is not health to imagine committing a suicide, but when you overcome those hardships that lead you to a wrong way, you can become a stronger person. Thus, I believe Japanese government must do something to prevent more death in the forest and the society as a whole. Firstly, I think the government has the responsibility to take care of the forest. They should remove the forest even though it is harming the nature or place guards in different sections in the forest. Removing the forest might be the best way, however it is harming the environment and it will cost a lot to remove all the dead bodies and clean the masses in the forest. Plus, not many people will want to volunteer to be a guard in the suicide forest. Specific solutions must be brought up by the government because they have the responsibility to protect their citizens.

     Furthermore, preventing juveniles from committing suicide is also a significant issue. In order to prevent future suicides in Japan, the government must educate students in middle school and high school. Students are the future to lead one country to a right way. The government must protect these futures of one country by high quality educations. This might sound too ideal, but it is definitely one of the best ways to keep students from committing suicide because students absorb information efficiently.

     We know the feeling of people who give up their lives. Doctors and advisors in mental hospital say that, when most of the people decide to commit suicide, they indirectly tell to their close family or friends that they will soon leave them. In other words, government or doctors are not the one who can keep someone from committing a suicide. The one who can really save one person’s life is actually every individual. What we have to do is continuously pay attention to close people and friends around us. I believe this is the best way that can lead everybody to live a happier life.

http://youtu.be/4FDSdg09df8

Bear is my Friend!

     “I love bears and I want to a bear.” There is this one guy, Timothy Treadwell, who wanted to live with bears for the entire life. He lived in the forest with bears, only with a little camp that can hardly sustain his daily life. Timothy brought video tapes which can record his life with bears. He believed he can communicate with bears as well as foxes which he thinks as his closest friend. It was really dangerous to live close to bears because nobody knows when the bears going to attack. However, Timothy treated bears as a friend and he tried to touch and have conversations with bears. Along the video tapes, there were quite dangerous situations and this might be the reason why he died in 2003 by bears.

     I have seen many people who love animals and live with animals all day. Even, some of my friends love animals like dogs, cats and many pets that can be raised by humans.. They really do love pets. However, I have never seen a person who likes bears, which is predator of many animals and want to be a bear. It was really shocking to find out the fact that there is a person who wants to be a bear. I suddenly thought about a wolf man and I thought living with wild animals are only some subjects of making movies or horror videos. After getting shocked for few minutes, I changed my perspective. What if Timothy Treadwell was my best friend? Am I going to allow him to live with bears? I say definitely no.

     I might stop the relationship with that friend in order to make him notice that it is a serious issue. I don’t want my friend to be killed by wild lives and I am a person who thinks there must be a line between animals and humans. Animals can be pets but they cannot be a “real friend” of a person. They cannot have conversation or give and receive some feelings. It will be dangerous when a person crosses that line. People who crossed the line between humans and animals will get socially abandoned or hard to live a harmonious life with other people. It is because they think different from other normal people. For example, Timothy Treadwell only had one friend who gives food and shelter to him and his only friends are bears. Almost everybody in the world who knows Timothy Treadwell, will think him as “insane person.”

     I also love dogs and whenever I see dogs on the street, I try to be nice to them. However, I don’t want to live a life as a dog. There is an old saying in Korea, “If you live a terrible life, you will born again as animal.” I think this statement is partly true because I believe in life after death, and people like Timothy Treadwell might have done wrong acts in his before life. That is why he is living a life similar to bears.

     In conclusion, I hope if there is a person who thinks similar to “Grizzly man”, Timothy Treadwell, please stop them from wherever they are and try to persuade him or her to think again more carefully, There are many people who care about animals and sincerely love animals, but I believe there must be a line between animals and humans so that people can live sociable life with other people.

Last present

 Last present

     The air is always suffocating. Today is the d-day that I have waited for 6 months. It feels quite good but not as much as I expected. I thought it would be like coming out to a new world. But, the world that I truly hoped was not there and it was just the same as before. I headed to my house that hasn’t been any people for 6 months. On my way home, I started crying. The life that I am living was the cause of sorrowful tears. My house was 10 minutes away from the hospital. When I arrived home, I set on a couch and reminded what doctor has told me right before leaving the hospital.

     “You might want to wrap things up. There are only three months that you can live. I am sorry and I hope you spend your time well.” I could not believe what the doctor has said, and I asked to him one more time but what he did was repeating his words with a drop of tear from his eye. I thought after 6 months of curing in the hospital, I could go back to daily life that I used to live. However, things didn’t go out well as I expected. I have no reason to live right now. 3 months is just too short to get everything done what I wanted throughout my life.

     I spent one week without doing anything productive. I just lied on my bed crying all day, sometimes hitting myself and crying harder. It wasn’t easy for me to get out from the darkness that I caught myself. A person who rescued me from this darkness was my girlfriend. She doesn’t know I have a cancer because I told her that I am going to United States for basketball practice. She was too glad to meet me after 6 months. When I saw her face with a smile, I couldn’t stop my tears. She asked me why I am crying, and I said because it feels like a dream seeing your beautiful face again. We went out to eat and I ate so much since I didn’t eat a meal for almost a week.

I found an old looking diary under my boyfriend's desk. It had all the journals he had written since we started our relationship. Although he does not want me to read his diary, I read due to the curiosity that led by the last page. It said, "Here, in this last page of my diary, I wish to write lists of things that I want to do before the end of my life. It has been one month that I’ve got lung cancer. Doctor said I can only live for less than three months. And one month has passed already. I thought I should do everything before I end my life with regret." After reading the last page of his diary, I dropped his diary on the floor. 

We talked about how my trip to United States was and I was busy making up stories. I did my best to be natural as possible. I asked her what she wanted to the best.

“I want to learn basketball from you.” She answered. I also wanted to teach basketball to my girlfriend before I die. We went to the gym where I practice the most.

I actually read the first list of what he wanted to do. "Firstly, I would eat my favorite food every day. Steak, chicken salad, seafood buffet will be something that I want to eat as everyday meal. But I will try to keep my health by going to fitness centers. Who knows? I might survive if I improve my health!" I still couldn't believe my boyfriend is sick. Nevertheless, similar to going fitness center, I lead him to keep exercising by asking him to teach basketball to me. I kind of fulfilled his first list and promised myself that I will make all the wishes come true.

My girlfriend was pretty good at basketball, better than I have expected. I thought my girlfriend was a girl who is week and always need my protection. However, she was powerful and athletic who absorbs everything I teach. It was the best day that I’ve ever spent with my girlfriend and it was so sad that I might not have a day similar to this after two months.

"Secondly, I will participate in Super Star K 5, the national audition program. If I’m going to die anyway, why not achieve the “impossible?” I have always liked singing, so I want to make sure that I don’t regret when I die." I thought about for a moment how I will fulfill this list.

     After wonderful day with my girlfriend I lied on my bed again. It was different from when I first lied on my bed after coming from the hospital. I thought about wonderful moments with her and I slept with a plan in my head what I will do with her. It was exactly one week after I could have a date with my girlfriend again. Surprisingly, she planned the same thing with what I wanted to do with her, which was singing with her. She always told me that she is a good singer but I never heard of her singing. Plus, I never sang in front of her and I thought it is a great chance to send message to her with my voice.

     In hospital, I used to listen to many songs and I always thought about sing “Just the way you are” to my girlfriend which is originally sung by Bruno Mars. We went to singing room and she started singing first. It was her lovely voice that started my tears but I hardly stopped my tears. I could also sing in front of her. I thought only great singers can sing in front of their love ones but I realized it was not. She complemented for singing with great voice and it left a smile on my face.

Thirdly, I will have a long trip. I want to have a really good last trip with someone I love the most. I will remember that trip forever and make my last memory.

     I thought about a moment and I was worried whether my girlfriend knows that I have a cancer and wrote down the lists that I wanted to do. I wanted to ask her but then she will know that I have a cancer. Nevertheless, one day, I will have to tell her that I might leave her soon. But, I changed my mind that I won’t tell her before I die because I didn’t wanted to leave a scar on her heart.

     We met the next day but she wasn’t feeling good and suddenly started crying. She yelled at me.

“Why didn’t you tell anything to me!”

“What didn’t I tell you…?”

“You have a lung cancer! I found out from your diary when I visited your house.”

“You knew I had a cancer?”

“Yes! I knew it!”

“That’s why you were doing all the things that I wanted to do….”

“Why didn’t you tell me….this is only making me stupid!”

“I am really sorry… I will do my best before I leave you”

“Please don’t say you will leave me”

We started crying together.

Although I told my boyfriend that I know the fact that he has a cancer, I still wanted to make all his wishes to come true. "Lastly, I want to marry someone. I have a girlfriend, but I want to experience some kind of “intimate relationship” that I haven’t had experienced and what people say is the most important in one’s life. This wish should be the hardest thing to achieve since it is doubtful that a lung cancer patient with 2months to live will be appealing." I cried the hardest when reading this wishlist. 
     After the day that she told me that she knew everything, we weren’t able to meet for another week. However, she called me and she said she has a present to give. So I went to a place where she told me to come. She forced to close my eyes and it was a wedding hall where she took me. She said she will marry with me. I couldn’t say anything to her. I changed my clothes to suit and my girlfriend also changed her clothes to wedding dress. She was just beautiful, most beautiful person in the world. We had our own wedding ceremony and also went to wedding trip that she has planned.

I couldn’t believe what is happening right now is real. We headed to Bali by riding an airplane. But, something was wrong in my body when we were in the airplane. I couldn’t open my eyes. I desperately wanted to see her but I couldn’t. I could only hear her crying and feel her tears dropping on my face.