121144 최지웅
(Choi Jee Woong)
Rookie
Kyrie,
it feels like a girl’s name. Actually, kyrie has many different meanings. The
phrase “kyrie” and its equivalents in other languages is one of the most often
repeated phrases in Eastern Orthodox and Byzantine Rite Eastern Christianity.
Although the Greek words have seven syllables, its pronunciation has five or
six syllables. Most importantly, Kyrie is a name of basketball player who plays
in the NBA team called, Cleveland Cavaliers. He plays point guard and his nick
name is “Mr. fourth quarter” because he becomes explosive scoring machine in
the fourth quarter. Kyrie has many meanings including a short liturgical prayer
that begins with or consists of the words “Lord, have mercy.” However, Kyrie
also means different to me.
To
start with, I want my name to be “Kyrie”, because I want to be a diligent
person like a basketball player Kyrie Irving. He is my role model in my life
not only for the talents that he has in playing basketball, but also the
attitude that he has toward basketball. Kyrie Irving is a rookie player in NBA.
But, he plays as if he had been playing the NBA court for several years. He is
always confident even in dangerous situations in games, and he leads his
teammates as a point guard. These behaviors don’t match with the fact that he
is a rookie player. I hope for these talents as a member of basketball player
in my school. I love playing basketball and the time when I spend playing
basketball, I feel the happiest moment in my life. Thus, I want to be a
basketball player like Kyrie Irving who has amazing talents. Plus, he is always
modest about himself, although he is a great player. I saw a you tube video
related to Kyrie Irving’s work out, and he was exercising even as if that moment
is the last chance. This is the behavior that I want to learn from him. As he
is “Mr. fourth quarter”, I want to work hard as I can until the last moment.
Moreover,
the name “Kyrie” has epicene beauty in its name. Many people can think Kyrie as
a girl’s name and my teacher also guessed Kyrie as a feminine name. This is
what I want to expect from my name. I don’t want my name to be definitely a
male’s name. Because, I think the image of myself does not fit to the names
with virile appearances. My friends call me “teddy bear” or “caterpillar” due
to my chubby body and cute face. The advantage that I can get from my name is
the feminine feature which seems like a kind and generous person with soft
appearance. So Kyrie is a best name that fits to the image that many other
people think about me. I believe name is more important than the first
impression. Name must imply one’s image or characteristics. It would be odd if
the impression of the name and a person’s characteristics are exactly opposite.
I feel like “Kyrie” is my name that is gifted from the sky which has epicene
beauty that matches with my personality.
“Name” is the first thing what people think about others, and “Kyrie” is
what I want to be called from others. As Kyrie, I want to take rank with Kyrie
Irving and this is my dream.
Kyrie is a cool, memorable name, and although it has a bit of a female "ring" to it, it is also has a sort of "warrior" quality to it. I picture an archer with a golden bow, kind of like Aragon from Lord of the Rings.
답글삭제I think you do a good job of finding things to write about in terms of content, but I think the organization could be improved. Your intro is all-over-the-place, and just when I think you are going to elaborate the meanings of the name, you derail that line of thought and mention basketball. Re-read the intro and think about the "map" you present. Does it help the reader, or kind of confuse them?
In terms of rhythm, try and balance your sentences and give them more dynamic. You write well enough that you can make your sentences longer and more complex. At times, they are short and choppy and basic, and too many of these in one paragraph takes away from overall flow. As well, some sloppiness with Proper Nouns (YouTube, Kyrie). Really avoid the "small errors" that take away from your overall writing. You write well, but are at a point in your development when you need to be more careful and avoid that damage of "sloppy mistakes." :)
Thank you for your advice and I will try hard to improve the organization through out my essay.
답글삭제