Last present

 Last present

     The air is always suffocating. Today is the d-day that I have waited for 6 months. It feels quite good but not as much as I expected. I thought it would be like coming out to a new world. But, the world that I truly hoped was not there and it was just the same as before. I headed to my house that hasn’t been any people for 6 months. On my way home, I started crying. The life that I am living was the cause of sorrowful tears. My house was 10 minutes away from the hospital. When I arrived home, I set on a couch and reminded what doctor has told me right before leaving the hospital.

     “You might want to wrap things up. There are only three months that you can live. I am sorry and I hope you spend your time well.” I could not believe what the doctor has said, and I asked to him one more time but what he did was repeating his words with a drop of tear from his eye. I thought after 6 months of curing in the hospital, I could go back to daily life that I used to live. However, things didn’t go out well as I expected. I have no reason to live right now. 3 months is just too short to get everything done what I wanted throughout my life.

     I spent one week without doing anything productive. I just lied on my bed crying all day, sometimes hitting myself and crying harder. It wasn’t easy for me to get out from the darkness that I caught myself. A person who rescued me from this darkness was my girlfriend. She doesn’t know I have a cancer because I told her that I am going to United States for basketball practice. She was too glad to meet me after 6 months. When I saw her face with a smile, I couldn’t stop my tears. She asked me why I am crying, and I said because it feels like a dream seeing your beautiful face again. We went out to eat and I ate so much since I didn’t eat a meal for almost a week.

I found an old looking diary under my boyfriend's desk. It had all the journals he had written since we started our relationship. Although he does not want me to read his diary, I read due to the curiosity that led by the last page. It said, "Here, in this last page of my diary, I wish to write lists of things that I want to do before the end of my life. It has been one month that I’ve got lung cancer. Doctor said I can only live for less than three months. And one month has passed already. I thought I should do everything before I end my life with regret." After reading the last page of his diary, I dropped his diary on the floor. 

We talked about how my trip to United States was and I was busy making up stories. I did my best to be natural as possible. I asked her what she wanted to the best.

“I want to learn basketball from you.” She answered. I also wanted to teach basketball to my girlfriend before I die. We went to the gym where I practice the most.

I actually read the first list of what he wanted to do. "Firstly, I would eat my favorite food every day. Steak, chicken salad, seafood buffet will be something that I want to eat as everyday meal. But I will try to keep my health by going to fitness centers. Who knows? I might survive if I improve my health!" I still couldn't believe my boyfriend is sick. Nevertheless, similar to going fitness center, I lead him to keep exercising by asking him to teach basketball to me. I kind of fulfilled his first list and promised myself that I will make all the wishes come true.

My girlfriend was pretty good at basketball, better than I have expected. I thought my girlfriend was a girl who is week and always need my protection. However, she was powerful and athletic who absorbs everything I teach. It was the best day that I’ve ever spent with my girlfriend and it was so sad that I might not have a day similar to this after two months.

"Secondly, I will participate in Super Star K 5, the national audition program. If I’m going to die anyway, why not achieve the “impossible?” I have always liked singing, so I want to make sure that I don’t regret when I die." I thought about for a moment how I will fulfill this list.

     After wonderful day with my girlfriend I lied on my bed again. It was different from when I first lied on my bed after coming from the hospital. I thought about wonderful moments with her and I slept with a plan in my head what I will do with her. It was exactly one week after I could have a date with my girlfriend again. Surprisingly, she planned the same thing with what I wanted to do with her, which was singing with her. She always told me that she is a good singer but I never heard of her singing. Plus, I never sang in front of her and I thought it is a great chance to send message to her with my voice.

     In hospital, I used to listen to many songs and I always thought about sing “Just the way you are” to my girlfriend which is originally sung by Bruno Mars. We went to singing room and she started singing first. It was her lovely voice that started my tears but I hardly stopped my tears. I could also sing in front of her. I thought only great singers can sing in front of their love ones but I realized it was not. She complemented for singing with great voice and it left a smile on my face.

Thirdly, I will have a long trip. I want to have a really good last trip with someone I love the most. I will remember that trip forever and make my last memory.

     I thought about a moment and I was worried whether my girlfriend knows that I have a cancer and wrote down the lists that I wanted to do. I wanted to ask her but then she will know that I have a cancer. Nevertheless, one day, I will have to tell her that I might leave her soon. But, I changed my mind that I won’t tell her before I die because I didn’t wanted to leave a scar on her heart.

     We met the next day but she wasn’t feeling good and suddenly started crying. She yelled at me.

“Why didn’t you tell anything to me!”

“What didn’t I tell you…?”

“You have a lung cancer! I found out from your diary when I visited your house.”

“You knew I had a cancer?”

“Yes! I knew it!”

“That’s why you were doing all the things that I wanted to do….”

“Why didn’t you tell me….this is only making me stupid!”

“I am really sorry… I will do my best before I leave you”

“Please don’t say you will leave me”

We started crying together.

Although I told my boyfriend that I know the fact that he has a cancer, I still wanted to make all his wishes to come true. "Lastly, I want to marry someone. I have a girlfriend, but I want to experience some kind of “intimate relationship” that I haven’t had experienced and what people say is the most important in one’s life. This wish should be the hardest thing to achieve since it is doubtful that a lung cancer patient with 2months to live will be appealing." I cried the hardest when reading this wishlist. 
     After the day that she told me that she knew everything, we weren’t able to meet for another week. However, she called me and she said she has a present to give. So I went to a place where she told me to come. She forced to close my eyes and it was a wedding hall where she took me. She said she will marry with me. I couldn’t say anything to her. I changed my clothes to suit and my girlfriend also changed her clothes to wedding dress. She was just beautiful, most beautiful person in the world. We had our own wedding ceremony and also went to wedding trip that she has planned.

I couldn’t believe what is happening right now is real. We headed to Bali by riding an airplane. But, something was wrong in my body when we were in the airplane. I couldn’t open my eyes. I desperately wanted to see her but I couldn’t. I could only hear her crying and feel her tears dropping on my face.